Thursday, 27 March 2008

Reasons not to burn candles in Protestant churches

1. They are not at all carbon friendly. If you are anti-climate change, you are anti-candle.
2. They burn things, including buildings. The Great Fire of London. Chicago. Need I say more. A burning building, too, is not carbon friendly.
3. Even when they don't burn things, they drip wax onto the carpet, especially when kids are playing with them. Messy, messy, messy!
4. Electric light is cheaper, cleaner and better for the eyesight.
5. Candles make us look like we're not Protestants. Come on folks, wear the uniform, unless you're a spy!
6. They're a bit girly don't you think? Especially those lavender ones.
7. They make it easier to smoke, which is bad for your health.

If you like candles, here is a story that makes up for their absence in our buildings.


Michael K said...

8. They breach the terms of your fire insurance policy
9. (see 5) The burning of them doesn't release souls from purgatory (what some people from our church once thought)

Gordon Cheng said...

(what some people from our church once thought)

Wow...1 Cor 3:15!

Michael K said...

That was precisely the verse their priest pointed them too.

Jason Porter said...

10. If you leave 100's of candles burning in your multi million dollar mansion while your chauffer takes you to accept an Academy Award to go alongside your NOBEL PEACE PRIZE (!!!!!) for a scarey climate change montage Inconveniently designed to indoctrinate children and ignorant folk, said mansion will probably burn down. With the Nobel peace prize. Unless you carry it with you to the Academy Awards . . . maybe Al Gore should get a prize for getting lots of prizes.

BUT: with a candle you can stare a that beautiful flame for a long time, dancing, shimmering there, so warm and . . . you can't call yerself a real Pyro when all you have is a box of Osrams . . .

Em T said...

I have always disliked candles. Ask any of my ex-flatmates - especially the one who had to listen to me rant about my dislike of candles while she waited for me to go into my bedroom to find her birthday present for me sitting on my desk. Yep, you guessed it. Candles.

My main reason is the dripping-wax-on-the-table thing. But I also really like to be able to see what I'm eating properly.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm...heretics. That may be an untapped source of light.

How are their CO2 emissions?