Monday, 21 April 2008

More on cohabitation

A friend sent me a note about cohabitation that I thought was worth reproducing here, with friend's identifying details removed (this person didn't want to offend some recently married people who had been in a long-term de-facto relationship; fair enough!)

I've heard 2 views explaining why the cohabitation before marriage usually fails:

1. the couple usually assume that their pre-married life is the norm and will continue. ie they are making a decision to marry on the basis that "we've enjoyed it thus far, so let's make it permanent" ie they are making a decision for the future assuming the past will continue. As opposed to making promises to commit "for better or WORSE". One view looks back, the other view is open to the future. (as Deryck Howell once anlaysed - most marriage vows these days can be reduced to the following "to date you've pleased me, and so today I'm formalising to let you continue to please me").

2. (from Zac Veron) - often girls assume that things "will be different when we are married, ie he'll stop drinking at the pub with mates etc" - whereas the husband often sees no change in the affairs....this leads to tension etc. Ie differing views on what they are committing to.

Each de facto couple thinks "but we're different" - and in God's grace, often they do have good marriages...which is what we should pray for each couple who do want to formalise their relationship.


michael jensen said...

Here's a thought though: I am 'happy' that the statistics bear out that the Bible's teaching is actually a better way to live. I would of course expect it to be the case.

But: what if the statistics said the opposite? Wouldn't cohabiting still be wrong?

Just questioning the place of these stats in apologetics.

David McKay said...

One mother's justification for a huge amount of fuss being made for the wedding of her daughter and her fiance, who have been living together for a couple of years:

It's the one big day of your life, so it is worth all the trouble and money. Or, at least, she immediately added, another wedding, if there is one, won't be like the first one.

I was stunned.