Saturday, 22 December 2007

Re: Your Christmas newsletter

Dear A and B,

We love you dearly, but if you send a file that busts our monthly download limit in one hit, we will delete you.

Well, not you, but every last one of the megabytes you sent.

Photos are the big thing. One photo of you is lovely. Two is equally lovely. Three, your message gets deleted. Five, we get our ex SAS friend to hunt you down, insert himself strategically into your study, and use C4 explosives to blow up your computer the next time you hit 'send'.

Now look.

Unless you have suffered a terrible disfiguring disease or an industrial, automotive or military accident during the last 12 months, we have a reasonable idea of what you look like, and have no urgent need to see the most recent photo. If that changes and we do find that we need to remind ourselves about you, then we will check your blog, find you via the facebook status update, or fire off a quick Christmas message of our own to let you know that we need that piccie, and we need it now.

Notwithstanding: if you really feel you need to get that information through, send it via snail-mail or try again in January. January is a quiet month, and we are unlikely to exceed 20 MB, and that will handle at least the first 23 of your photos.

Your annual friends,

Gordo, Fifi, matilda, ruby and lily

PS Happy Christmas.


michael K said...

monthly download limit? are you still on a contract? if you've gone off it and are just going month by month check what Telstra et al are offering.
We found we were paying more than double what we needed to because the offers keep getting better than what we'd been contracted to. So we kept the same provider but the bill halved and the download limit disappeared.
In the meantime, I'll be sure to send you 15 high res large photos of the new baby when it appears - as you haven't seen it...

Gordon Cheng said...

I will sort all that download broadband stuff out in Jan.

In the meantime, 'I love youse all', but in a facebook bloggy sort of way, not in a love to get your newsletter sort of way.

Pete said...

Thanks Gordo, tactful as always.

I will wish you a merry Christmas, but that will have to do for now. No excess photos from me.

Gordon Cheng said...

Pete: dude, you're gettin' the message.

I actually do love newsletters, and still have some sitting in the e-mail intray from more than 12 months ago. But they don't have any photos attached.

A blessed Christmas to you too.

Dave said...

I wasn't thinking about writing a Christmas letter filled with lots of photos but now the rebel within me is starting to want to write one just to send to you, Gordo!! Funny how these things happen...