Monday, 2 March 2009

Bettina Arndt on sex

She has some good observations about the difficulties facing some married couples.

But this this article by Paul Sheehan shows that she doesn't do so well when it comes to how to actually deal with the problems:

When relationships become sexless, Arndt's attitude towards infidelity becomes elastic: "If the sex supply breaks down, then fidelity seems a totally unreasonable demand or expectation . . . But it is heresy to suggest such a thing . . . Adultery always spells disaster for a marriage, or so everybody seems to believe."

Arndt, however, doesn't, quoted also in the article on how adulterous relationships can reignite the desire for sex, and how these relationships should be concealed from the spouse.

This is a terribly damaging view of what sex is about, elevating its importance to a level it should never hold, and effectively making it more important than the marriage (and therefore the family) it's intended to serve.


Luke said...

Hi Gordon,
First off - just a quick thanks for all the posts - both here and at solapanel! I've been reading over the last few months and I've found it really helpful and thought provoking. So here goes my first comment!
I have to agree completely with you on this. I read this response to the original article and looking through the comments frustrated and saddened me. As one who is newly married (3 months and counting!) and has done the premarital reading encouraged (with books like “Married for God” and “One Flesh”), its incredible to see what some people think about sex. A far cry from the values taught in these books and in the bible, and although I realise that things between my wife and I will not always be all ‘peaches and cream’ in the future, I found it shocking to see just how selfish we are with our views on sex. The focus of the majority of the comments seems to be on the pleasure brought by the act rather than the closeness or intimacy achieved. The symptoms are well observed as you’ve said, curious no-one looking for the cause has discovered the complete lack of self sacrifice and barely concealed selfishness that dominates throughout the comments. People weep about the state of the world, and yet if we are unable and unwilling to look to the interests of the person we’re married to/in a relationship with and are supposed to care for, is it any wonder? Truly sad. Thank God for his wisdom in creating sex for marriage!

Gordon Cheng said...

So here goes my first comment!


Thanks Luke for commenting. Yes, selfishness rules, very much so.